Boundaries for change-making
Being a changemaker is hard. Being a changemaker while trying to balance all of the other areas of our lives can feel almost impossible.
There’s a reason why so many changemakers struggle with overwhelm, stress, guilt, and burnout. We understand the urgency of healing the harm caused by systemic oppression.
Racism, sexism, and all the other -isms shouldn’t even exist. We are long overdue for change. And there is so much work to be done.
And yet, we’ve still got our own personal stuff to deal with day to day. Work deadlines, school schedules, health issues, to name just a few. With everything coming at us, just getting from sunrise to sunset each day is its own miracle. I cannot overstate this.
But how can we find a balance between being effective changemakers and living our day to day lives?
This is a question so many people grapple with. You’re not alone if you have.
I certainly have. In fact, it’s one I’ve asked myself and tried my best to answer year after year. It’s led me to developing personal habits, systems, and practices that allow me to find harmony between ‘Layla the Changemaker’ and ‘Layla the Person’.
In short it looks like this: Instead of seeing these two ways of being (change-making and day to day living) as two opposing forces, I’ve unified them into one single way of being called ‘Layla the Good Ancestor’. And I live and lead from this place.
Layla the Good Ancestor is not an ethereal, idealised, perfectly perfect avatar who lives somewhere in the future.
She is me. A real flesh and blood woman who lives in the here and now. Who is strong and flawed. Who tries and fails and tries again. Who has a business to run, a team to lead, and programs to deliver. And who also has school runs, health flare ups, relationships to nurture, and traumas to heal.
Layla the Good Ancestor is not a Marvel superhero. She’s a human being. She leads from her humanity.
How does this help me find a balance between change-making and everyday living? Well, it’s done two things for me:
It’s stopped me seeing change-making as something I’ll do when the rest of my life is in order (aka when I’ve got my shit together). Instead, change-making is part of ‘the rest of my life’, so I attend to it in the same way I attend to making sure I’m getting enough sleep or pouring into my relationships. It’s not separate. And so it’s never an afterthought.
It’s stopped me from seeing change-making as my whole identity. I don’t think we talk about this enough, but too many of us begin to make change-making or activism our whole life. Often at the expense of other areas of our life which are just as important to our sense of purpose, joy, and longevity. When I stopped seeing change-making as my whole identity, I began to make more space for rest, play, health, relationships, and other things that are important to me. Ironically, I believe this actually makes me a much more effective changemaker in the long run.
There are so many questions we ask ourselves as changemakers who are genuinely trying to change the systems, paradigms, and behaviours that cause harm in the world. These questions can often feel at odds with each other.
Am I doing enough for the world vs Am I doing enough for myself?
Am I taking care of others vs Am I taking care of myself?
Am I creating positive change in the world vs Am I creating positive change in my own life?
This teeter-tottering between prioritising self and prioritising society is enough to make anyone feel overwhelmed and confused!
But I believe when we choose a third way, the Good Ancestor way, we have an opportunity to create flexible, humanity-led harmony, rather than a rigid, fixed idea of balance.
By honouring the fullness of our humanity
and our passions for change-making
and the realities that life throws at us everyday,
we have a much greater chance of experiencing that sense of ease we so greatly crave.
At the very least, we allow ourselves that much more self-compassion and grace when we don’t live up to our own expectations. And if a Good Ancestor is full of anything, it’s infinite self-compassion and grace ❤️
To our healing + liberation,
Layla
