How do you overcome a setback as a changemaker?
A few days ago, my loc fell out.
I’d just washed my hair and was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. I had taken my hair out of my pink microfibre towel, and ran my fingers through my locs to separate them in preparation to moisturise them.
As I routinely ran my left hand through my hair, half of one of the small, thin locs at the front of my head just came out in my hands. I froze in shock.
Half my loc was in my head, and the other was in my hand.
I kept looking back and forth to the mirror, and my hand, confused and horrified that I’d somehow broken my hair.
You see, I started growing my locs in 2020, during the pandemic. I’m the proud owner of a head full of locs that I’ve lovingly nurtured and tended for two and a half years.
To see my loc in my hand was an unexpectedly emotional moment. This thing that I’ve been growing and caring about was now broken. It had been literally cut short in its journey.
I took a few deep breaths, and then remembered something important.
Locs aren’t like regular hair.
If they get broken or cut off, they can actually be reattached. In fact, you can do all kinds of things with locs that you can’t do with regular hair.
I’ve had a loc unravel completely at the end, and had it put it back together using thread.
I’ve had my locs interlocked with a threading needle, to strengthen the base and pull in loose flyaway hairs that aren’t in a loc.
I’ve had the very ends of some of my locs break off, while the rest stayed intact.
I’ve even had some of my locs joined together, to strengthen them when they’re too thin to be able to survive by themselves.
Remembering this steadied me. Joyful clarity descended upon me.
I stopped panicking, walked to my handbag and popped the broken off loc in the inside pocket of my cosmetic pouch. The next time I go to the loctician, I’ll ask her to reattach it for me. And in the meantime, the broken off loc still attached to my head is tucked in with my other locs, and ready for reattachment when the time comes.
Why did I share all this, and what does this have to do with being a changemaker?
Hair can teach us a lot.
I’ve done all sorts of things with my hair - relaxing it, covering it with a hijab and then taking it off, colouring it, shaving it off completely, growing it in its natural state, and now, loc’ing it.
Every stage has taught me something about myself as a spiritual being, a human being, a Black Muslim woman, and a leader.
I share this story about my loc in particular because I think it can teach us something about tending to change-making work with love and care, and being curious, flexible, and imaginative with what we do when things don’t go according to plan.
My first immediate thought when my loc fell out (after the initial shock!) was, “But I’ve spent almost 3 years growing this loc!”.
This loc was actually the loc I’ve used since 2020 to measure how long my hair is growing. I still remember when it was above my eyebrow, and now it was below my lip. I was frustrated that this thing I’d watched grow centimetre by centimetre was suddenly half the size. It reminded me of that saying, one step forward and two steps back.
Change-making work can feel like that sometimes. Like we’re putting all this effort and energy in, and seeing little progress. Or worse, making progress, and then seeing things slide back to how they were before. But progress does happen when we stay in the work. It’s not a straight, consistent line, but it is moving forward.
My second thought as I held the loc in my hand was, “What’s the point!?”.
Again, change-making can feel like that sometimes. Feeling hopeless and helpless that no matter what we do, it’s not making a difference.
Hopelessness and apathy are very dangerous. When we get stuck in that spiral we can (righteously) convince ourselves to just give it all up. But just because half a loc fell out doesn’t mean I need to shave my hair off. Similarly, just because we face challenges and setbacks as changemakers, doesn’t mean we have to give up our legacy work. Setbacks are part of the journey.
My third thought as I looked at the broken loc in the mirror was, “This is so unfair!”.
I was pissed and needed someone to blame. Except there wasn’t anybody. It was a structural issue - the loc was too thin in the middle to hold itself up, and after a while it just broke off. It just was what it was, and I had to accept that. And with my loctician’s help, we’ll figure out how to fix the structural problem. We’ll also check the other locs to make sure we can preemptively fix any other structural issues.
Again, sometimes in change-making work things fall apart. The reasons are often structural (Systems Of Supremacy). We can look for individuals to blame, but what will really create change is figuring out how to change the systems themselves. And importantly, not doing it alone! Finding ways to connect, collaborate, and create with others is key.
It was only when I got to my fourth thought that I was able to get clarity, “This is happening. What can I do?”.
That’s when I remembered that though this situation was a first, I wasn’t new to this. I’d already repaired my locs in all kinds of ways in the past, and they were fine. They may not look how I thought they would like - some are thinner/thicker/shorter/longer than others - but they survived.
And more importantly, they’re still growing.
This is something I want us to remind ourselves of often in our change-making work. We may encounter challenges and situations we’ve never navigated before… or those we have faced and not known how to overcome… but there is always a way.
Whether it’s calling on our past courage… Asking for support for those who’ve already walked similar paths… Or inventing new ways of dealing with old challenges… We can and must find ways to survive and keep showing up as changemakers.
Being curious, flexible, and creative, while also releasing judgement about the ways things should be or have to be, allows us to find new and unexpected ways forward.
Things will break, challenges will arise, setbacks will happen, and failures are inevitable. This is part of the journey.
When we stay committed to the work, we can personally and collectively create fixes, solutions, fail-forwards, and wins that will change the status quo.
That’s what we’re here to do. That’s why we're changemakers.
The next time you’re faced with a setback, I invite you to say to yourself:
“This is happening. What can I do?”.
And going deeper, ask:
❔What do I know that can help me?
❔Who do I know that can help me?
You’re here to do the intergenerational work of justice and healing. It’s not easy.
But you’re not starting from zero. And you’re not alone.
To our healing + liberation,
Layla
