What does sustainable change-making look like?
This is not sustainable.
I’ve had that thought many times along my changemaker journey.
The first time I remember thinking it was in 2017.
I was in the early days of my work as an antiracist writer and educator, and I had come to the most depressing conclusion: In order for a single person with white privilege to ‘get it’, scores of Black people, Indigenous people, and People of Colour (BIPOC) had to be harmed (sometimes unintentionally, some intentionally) in the process.
I had seen it play out again and again. A white person would say or do something they didn’t realise was racist. And BIPOC would spend hours, sometimes days, doing the laborious emotional labour of educating them. Often for free. (I was one of them!).
By the end of the whole ordeal, myself and many other BIPOC would be emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted beyond words. And then maybe the person who had caused the original harm would get it. Or maybe they wouldn’t. Or if they got it, they would conveniently forget to give credit or thanks to the people who had spent time away from their own lives to do this heavy lifting work.
It felt hopeless.
This is not sustainable.
The second time I remember thinking this was in 2018.
I had just finished running the live #MeAndWhiteSupremacy Instagram challenge, and I was exhausted. I had spent a month teaching and holding space for people with white privilege to interrogate the ways they had internalised white supremacy. Again, for free.
It was a life-changing moment for thousands of people, myself included. And it led to me writing the now bestselling Me and White Supremacy book. But it took everything out of me. And I vowed I would never do anything like that again.
It almost broke me.
This is not sustainable.
The third time I remember thinking this was in 2020.
We were in the midst of the Black Lives Matter protests sparked by the murder of George Floyd. I found myself, like many Black people with platforms, suddenly being asked to speak on every news show, radio show, podcast, magazine, you name it.
I remember there was a period of about 2 weeks where I spoke on multiple platforms each day, back to back. There was barely time to eat, rest, or see my family.
And each time I had to answer mind-bending questions like, “Why do you think it’s taken this horrific event to raise people’s awareness?” and “Do you think this is a turning point?” and “Are you hopeful about the future now that these protests are happening?”.
The relentless toll of these interviews, while also trying to process my own as well as others' collective grief and anger, the ongoing pandemic we were in, and the fact that I’m a highly sensitive introvert, made it all too much.
It was exhausting.
This is not sustainable.
The way we are expected to do our work as changemakers is not sustainable.
We are expected to put the cause and the calling ahead of our own well-being. To martyr ourselves to save the world. To put everyone else’s needs and wants before our own.
And we internalise this too. Because we live in an oppressive culture that rewards self-sacrifice and people-pleasing. And distrusts rest and self-care.
That’s why I made ‘Sustain’ our third practice in The Good Ancestor Practice.
The Good Ancestor Practice* is a framework that I created to help answer the question: How do we become good ancestors?
It’s a life-long set of skills for transforming our desires for a more equitable world into practical actions to help create that world - *without* burning ourselves out in the process.
The Practice connects our personal inner work with our interpersonal social justice work. And most importantly, it champions sustainable changemaking.
In other words, it’s a framework that makes you (the changemaker) just as important as the work (the change-making).
It doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself in order to “prove” you’re really about the work.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It not only asks, but it requires you to practice change-making in a way that is self-honouring, self-caring, and self-loving.
Because to be a good ancestor means you must do your best to be in this work for the long haul. And because you deserve to live your one life in the same way that you are working so hard for others to be able to live their lives too.
So how can you practice Sustaining today?
You can start with a simple journaling practice. Grab a writing tool (pen/paper/keyboard). Draw a line down the middle of the page, so that you have two columns. At the top of the left column write, This is not sustainable. And at the top of the right column write This is sustainable.
In the not sustainable column, bullet point or free write anything in your life or work that you have control over that is not sustainable for you.
It doesn’t matter if others can sustain it, this is about you. Because we each live our own unique and distinct lives. And each have our own capacities for what is sustainable for us as individuals.
You might write things like:
It’s not sustainable for me to respond to every (or any!) call out
It’s not sustainable for me to do XYZ project anymore
It’s not sustainable for me to meet XYZ deadline
It’s not sustainable for me to continue being in relationships with XYZ person(s)
Write as much as you desire, and think about the things that are causing you to feel the most exhaustion, stress, or pain. And again, make these things that you have control or influence over, that you can change.
Now in the sustainable column, bullet point or free write what is sustainable for you.
Use the not sustainable column to guide you. Oftentimes knowing what you don’t want can help you figure out what you do want.
Don’t compare your sustain list to what you think others may be writing. Be honest with yourself about what you need in your life. Because you’re the only one living your life.
You might write things like:
It’s sustainable for me to not get involved in other people’s issues
It’s sustainable for me to focus on XYZ project instead
It’s sustainable for me to meet to extend the deadline to XYZ date
It’s sustainable for me to nurture meaningful relationships with XYZ person(s)
And now, use the sustainable list to start making necessary changes in your life and work.
This is where things can get tricky, because as I said, we’ve been conditioned to trust self-sacrifice over self-honouring. Sometimes we don’t think we’re ‘allowed’ to make these changes because it goes against our societal norms.
Making self-honouring choices can trigger “What will they think of me?” thoughts.
But this is the work of becoming a good ancestor. It’s knowing that you have to honour yourself just as much as you want to honour past and future generations. Because you matter too.
It means understanding the value you bring to the table.
And that by taking care of you, you’re taking care of us too.
I promise.
To sustaining,
Layla
*P.S. You can learn more about The Good Ancestor Practice in this carousel post.
