This is NOT imposter syndrome
“You’re not an imposter. You’re a leader. You’re on your leading edge. You’re doing something new and different and it scares you because you’ve never been here before.
So it feels like you’re an imposter. But you’re not. This isn’t imposter syndrome. It’s leadership.”
I said these words to a friend and fellow entrepreneur last week while we were catching up. I wanted her to know that if we’re not careful, we can falsely diagnose ourselves as suffering from ‘imposter syndrome’. When in reality, we’re trying to do something new and creative and risky.
Something that requires us to become more.
More than what we’ve already been.
More than what we’ve already mastered.
More than what we believe we can be.
And maybe more than what others think we’re allowed to be.
You know those sensations that show up when you're doing something hard? Sweaty palms, shallow breathing, nausea, racing thoughts, alarm bells ringing in your head, wanting to hide in a hole in the ground…
What if it’s not imposter syndrome? What if it’s leadership?
As you know, this year I founded my company Become A Good Ancestor. While I’ve been doing the ‘good ancestor’ work since I started the podcast in 2019, 2022 is the year I officially stepped up and legally established the company.
In less than a year I’ve hired a team (of predominantly Black and Brown women leaders), launched a new website, relaunched the podcast and book club, built and launched new programs for changemakers, and done an incredible amount of work behind the scenes to set up our business systems and processes to build a solid foundation for our long-term success.
I am so proud of everything we’ve accomplished this year. And, I have been scared almost every step of the way. Because I’ve never done any of it before.
In the past, I would have described the fear that I’ve felt this year as imposter syndrome. I would have told myself things like:
I’m not really cut out to be a CEO, and everyone is going to find out.
I don’t really know what I’m doing and everyone is going to find out I’m a fraud.
I should have all this stuff figured out by now… maybe I’m just not cut out for this?
Everyone is looking to me to lead them, but I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’m an imposter!
Why did I think I could do this? I should have just stuck to what was already working.
This isn’t going to work because I’m not the type of person who can be a successful business leader.
Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to make this work.
I would have judged my success as a leader not by the evidence of what I had created, but instead by the amount of fear that I’ve felt all along the way.
I would have told myself that my successes didn’t deserve to be celebrated, because of how hard it’s felt along the way. And that somebody who is not an imposter would not feel this fear.
Thankfully, because of the inner work I’ve been doing for the past few years, these have not been the thoughts I’ve had this year. Instead, the thoughts I’ve had are:
I know this works out in the end, I just have to keep showing up for the work now.
I’m in year 1 of this business, not year 3, 4, or 5. It’s supposed to be hard right now.
The challenges are big because I dreamed a big dream. I love myself for being a big dreamer.
Who can I ask for help? How can I ask my team to support me? How can I call in support from other entrepreneurial peers?
What skills do I need to learn? Where can I learn them? What have I learned so far this year?
How can I use what I already know to help me do this?
How can I take care of myself so that this work is sustainable for me?
Be gentle with yourself. You’re becoming. It’s okay to be scared.
You could say I ‘cured’ my imposter syndrome. But I wouldn’t say that. Because I don’t believe that imposter syndrome exists in the way we traditionally understand it.
Instead, I would say that I’ve learned to reframe my feelings of being an imposter. I will be talking about this more in my upcoming Imposter Syndrome workshop, but for now what I want you to understand is that we have to create space and allow grace for the messiness of becoming.
The messiness of our humanity.
Binary thinking doesn’t allow for this messiness, this humanity, to exist. Binary thinking says we’re either ‘this’ or ‘that’:
Experts or imposters.
Know-alls or know-nothings.
Capable or incapable.
Confident or cowardly.
There is no space for the awkward, stumbling, embarrassing moments. The moments of failing or being inarticulate. Of not yet being at Level 10, but also not being at Level 1. Of needing to learn new skills and new mindsets. Of needing support. Of being on the way, in the process, and en route to becoming more knowledgeable, capable, and confident.
I believe that leadership is not a person, a place, or a thing. It is a practice. A practice that we set in motion anytime we put ourselves out there to try and do something that matters to us, even though it scares us.
Whether you’re building a new business, writing a book, starting a family, or launching a project, you’re going to feel like an imposter. But I want you to know that you are not.
You are a leader.
You are choosing to lead yourself and others into new territory.
You are afraid because you had the courage to go beyond what was comfortable for you.
You feel like an imposter because you’re no longer who you were. You are becoming a new you.
As changemakers we have to become comfortable living IN the becoming. Not in the ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ but in the ‘How can I be here, now?’.
I’ve been lucky enough to achieve a number of notable goals in my life like becoming a bestselling author, or being featured in the September 2020 issue of British Vogue. While these moments are exciting, life-changing, and even validating, the true value for me is who I got to become on the way to achieving these things.
I’ve also had moments of going viral, which is another type of success. But those moments have always felt the most anxiety-inducing for me, because they happened so fast. And rapid success like that doesn’t leave us with much space and grace for our becoming.
And believe me, I would choose space and grace over fast and furious any day :)
So while you’re in the becoming, remind yourself: I’m not an imposter. I’m a leader. And I leave space and grace for the messiness of my humanity to exist on this journey.
To our healing + liberation,
Layla
P.S. Watch my workshop Say Goodbye to Imposter Syndrome Workshop. Buy your tickets here.
